Good Intentions, Okay Results

Throughout our day we have different jobs and tasks to perform. One of the most critical, yet often neglected, of these is sleep.

Over the past week, I’ve attempted to use my current habit of shutting down screens at 10 PM to get to bed earlier. While this has helped me get to sleep earlier, I still seem to struggle to get my morning started. Part of the wrench in that gear is the impact weekends and the holiday – Happy Independence Day – has had on my sleep cycle.

How to Deal with Distractions

Every night I’ve found myself struggling to juggle the distractions available at any moment and doing what I’m supposed to, most often going to bed. I can watch a video, play a game, talk with someone, read articles or books, and the list goes on and on. The last thing I want to do when it’s time for bed is sleep.

I have been good at getting to bed as needed on a typical workday, but days off I have tended to slack. I feel I am on a tightrope of duty and decompressing. I’ve been able to step away from time with friends online once the clock turned 10 on a Monday, but on Friday or Saturday, that discipline just isn’t there. I found myself up until nearly midnight, something I haven’t done since starting this past weekend. The midweek holiday hasn’t been as bad as the weekend, but I have let myself get distracted far too much during the day and now I will barely finish this post in time.

While my weekday habits might be better than those of my off-days, I still have some struggles to work through. I’m trying to find ways to wind down, and I think getting away from computers or my phone around 10 PM is helpful, but I think I need to continue cultivating a routine to get my mind and body ready for sleep.

New Routines

A trial I pursued a couple months ago was trying out different morning routines to see what worked out. During it, I thought a lot about the impact of the evening ritual.

Recently, I’ve found getting out of bed difficult due to stiffness and pains in my joints. To try and prevent this, I am going to try and add a few minutes of stretching to a nightly routine. Just like brushing my teeth and flossing, I’m sure it will eventually become natural.

I might start experimenting with a few other habits to make not only my evening nicer but for the rest of my day as well. If you have any recommendations, let me know if the comments below!!

If like me you have had trouble getting to bed on time and waking up in the morning, I can’t recommend putting away the distraction devices we carry around 24/7 for at least an hour before bed. In my experience, there is seldom something critical enough that it can’t wait until tomorrow.

Spotting Bad Habits

I definitely filled this out right. Those are supposed to be blank.

This past week I’ve started turning off my computer and phone by 10 PM. The goal was to cut back on a bad habit I’ve had of gaming or watching videos too late into the night. Everything started off how I imagined it, read a little and then got to bed a little earlier. After a couple days though, I started trying out some different past times, and that’s when things took a turn for the (relative) worse.

Through this I realized, screens weren’t the problem. I have an underlying habit to procrastinate bedtime.

The Start

The first few days started out pretty well. I started reading Dune, which has been on my nightstand for too long. Tackling a chapter or two a night, barely scratching the surface of the dense book.

Time was made to step away from whatever mindless activity I would usually partake in prior to starting this trial, for better or worse. This most often came in the form of the YouTube rabbit hole. I would end up watching an hour or two of content just before bed. This habit peaked just before this trial. I stayed up well past 1 AM a couple of nights, which actually inspired me to start.

All in all, I’m glad I started this out.

The Turn

Now, this isn’t necessarily bad, but I fear it’s the remnants of other habits just filling the void. Instead of staring a screen til midnight or later, I’ve now begun working on crosswords and sudoku puzzles.

One night, I was flipping thru a local paper while a bit bored and found the puzzles. I started filling it out and eventually ran out of words I knew. So I would cheat and look at the solution for a word or two to try and keep moving. After finishing, I moved onto the sudoku.

After wrapping up for the night, my brain was wired trying to solve all the worlds problems as I lay in bed trying to sleep. I was exchanging one distraction for another. Though I think there is a silver lining.

What’s Next

Going forward I’m going to try and force myself to go to bed at that 10 PM stop, and set my alarm to wake up earlier in the morning. I’m hoping that I can use those puzzles that kept me up at night to kickstart my brain in the morning.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

Know Failure to Know Success

The past few weeks I’ve done a lot of thinking about facing fear and failure. I tried out a couple of fear setting practices and shared my thoughts here.

Since each specific post goes into far more detail, I’m just going to give a brief synopsis for each. I’ll share links to each prior post for quick access.

Facing Personal Fear – Going Bald

A longtime fear I’ve had is the fear of going bald. While it may not seem to be significant, it’s something that has bothered me. After a brief moment of hesitation, I decided it was time to see what all the fuss was about.

I buzzed my hair down until I can see the light reflecting from the top of head. I soon set out a picture, and was surprised by the positive feedback I had gotten. Not only was the fear I had internalized not real, it turned out to be the opposite.

Facing Social Fear – Coffee Challenge

Once I had dealt with some of the personal fears I had kept for so long, I wanted to try a different angle. This challenge is simple, ask for 10% off of an order of coffee. Being a long follower of Noah Kagan, a successful entreprenuer, I’ve long known about this challenge.

The challenge forced me to ask for something I wanted in a low risk setting. We often want things, but can be too scared to ask.

Facing Fear of Failure -Fear Setting

This was another practice I learned from a great writer and business leader. Tim Ferriss regularly does this exercise when making big decisions.

This can be summarized in three easy steps. Defining fear. Preventing fear. Repairing fear. It can often be be found that what we imagine is far worse than what reality will offer. Since this practice also forces us to figure out how we can reduce the impact of whatever the fears may be, we have everything in our arsenal to remove any reason not to do pursue our goals.

All of these are simple practices that can be done to build up a tolerance for facing fears and overcoming challenges.

For the next few weeks, I’ll be loosening the shackles of technology. I’ll be implementing a no screens after 10 PM rule. To help with this, I’m going to try a recent tip I’ve heard, setting my phone to airplane mode earlier in the night.

On a side note, this post marks 52 weeks of TOBBI. Thank you for reading and helping me reach this milestone!

Fear Setting and Why It Matters

Three simple columns are all that stands between you and conquering fear.

A great exercise that ties into my recent posts is a regular practice by the investor, author, and inspiration of mine Tim Ferriss, which he calls Fear Setting. The idea is simple. When pursuing something new, clearly define what your fears truly are, know how to prevent the fears, and how to repair any damage. Maybe you’ll have to move back in with parents, you’ll lose all your money and starve on the street, or maybe you’ll enjoy your new choice so much, you never go back.

Step One: Define Your Fears

To start on this journey, you first have to discover why you are afraid of pursuing whatever your action/goal/idea maybe. To use a recent example, I shaved my head.

Before getting out the clippers, I asked myself, “What is the absolute worst case scenario?”

The answer was so mild, it shocked me that I ever hesitated. It boiled down to other people may not think I look very good. Not only did this not turn out to be the truth, I have often gotten the opposite reaction from people who have known me most of my life and others who I’ve met for the first time.

Step Two: Preventive Measures

If we know what the worst case scenario is, we can prepare and plan to avoid it. Taking simple actions can often have major returns.

There weren’t many specific actions to take to prevent other people’s opinions in the case of my bald head, but I could limit their impact on me. By owning the look, it not only deflected any negative impressions but actually increased the positive reception the new look got.

Precautionary actions are simple to implement and can have positive returns even if the fear never occurs. A piece of advice from my grandpa applies well here, “It’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

Step Three: How Do I Bounce Back From Disaster

The next step beyond prevention is repairing any damage done. Here we need to think of what can be done to get things back on track. Because certain outcomes may be more serious than other people’s opinions, see example earlier about starving in the street, sometimes we need a plan to get back to where we want to be.

In the case of my bald head, it’s really just a matter of time. Wait for it to grow back. What about some more active responses? Because I believe a majority of fears are based on either money or social status, there are a few options that can be taken. Getting a second job or selling some unneeded property can help remedy financial trouble.

For remedying social status, there are a number of ways to heal the wounds of a bad decision. Why else is Public Relations a critical part of businesses today? Let’s make some PR moves of our own if we find ourselves in hot water. There’s the incredibly difficult act of apologizing, in which one displays guilt and regret the results of actions taken (if not the actions alone). Volunteering can be another option. Though I recommend pursuing something you’ve previously displayed interest in as a good place to start. If you start volunteering for something totally random, some people may see this as pandering. If you start with something you already care about, people may think your simply expressing your passion in a particular way.

Step Four: The Good Part

This part isn’t in Tim’s specific fear setting process, but I think it is important. Now that you’ve come up with your fear and how to handle it, ask yourself, what can I gain from trying this out. What are the rewards you receive for risking your nightmare scenario defined previously?

With the negative fleshed out, you may as well understand what you truly have to gain from it. Be as general or as specific as you want. Peace of mind is as valid as earning an additional $1,000 a year in my book.

Tim recommends assigning an impact score to both the negative and positive outcomes. If a negative outcome is a two, but the positive is a 10, there should be no doubt in your mind to go for it.

Just the Beginning

Tim’s post is a fantastic read and if anything I recommend the “Questions and Actions” section. While the first three steps above outline the specific process, this section offers some powerful questions to consider.

Set your fears today and let me know what you come up with in the comments below!

Coffee Challenge – How to Ask for What You Want

It’s very easy to keep putting off things we don’t want to do. Hell, it’s easy to put off things we WANT to do. In my case, Noah Kagan’s coffee challenge found itself in a weird spot between the two. The idea is to ask for 10% off when ordering coffee. I finally bit the bullet and committed to trying it.

The Scene

Last Friday was the last day I could easily do the challenge, and so it had to be then. I was living in downtown Dubuque, which gave me several local shops to stop by and try. Since I was moving that day, I kept putting the challenge off by packing up one thing or another. The whole time playing out what I would say in my head. I finally started packing some clothes and told myself this was the last thing, as soon as I was done here I need to go. So I did.

I made my way down the block to a nearby shop. I walked in and saw a few people near the register. My heart began pounding. One would think I was about to do something illegal. Luckily, most of the other patrons moved elsewhere by the time I was ordering. I went with a simple house coffee. After putting my cup together, the barista, whom I believe might be the owner, asked me if I needed anything else. That was my cue. I asked, “can I actually get 10% off?”

Of course, he was a bit confused. So I asked again with a smidge more confidence. He laughed and gave a polite no. He added a joke that normally they charge an extra 10% if someone asks. I laughed, thanked him, and found a seat to write this up.

The Point

Saving 10% on every cup of coffee would be great, but that’s not the point of the exercise. It’s safe to say most people will not ask for things that they really want. Whether it be a raise, a date, or for their roommate to do the dishes. More often than not, we suspect simple asks to end horribly. This challenge gives you a zero-stakes environment to practice. If I can’t ask for something so minuscule, how can I ask for anything of substance?

On top of the fear facing opportunity, you get practice hearing “no” as well as a chance to practice negotiation skills. Anytime you are doing something out of the realm of normality, you will hear a lot of nos. Starting a business? Writing a book? Anything that needs funding, approval, or input from others will likely result in a lot of people saying no.

Though I may not have tried to push for the 10%, anyone else trying this can work on negotiating. Similarly that people don’t often ask for what they want, at the first sign of a no we back down. Sharpening the negotiating skill is critical to success in so many areas of life.

Next Time

Not sure what I want to try. Let me know if you have ideas for fear challenges like this!

Why I (Really) Went Bald

Last week, I straight buzzed my head and was completely bald. I’ve cut my hair pretty short before, but I felt it was the right time to go all the way. Going bald is the start of a few fear facing challenges I hope to try out in the coming weeks.

Facing Fears

The genetics on both of my parents’ side does not look good for my hair’s future. Because of this, I’ve expected to lose my hair any day. For a long time, I’ve made jokes about going bald soon as a feign attempt to confidently address my looming future. With the amount of advertising and marketing for hair care and hair loss solutions, I think it’s safe to say that a lot of men share this fear of hair loss.

Leading up to this trial, I was considering other options for what to do. After a few moments of thinking, I realized that hesitation was the exact reason I needed to commit and do it.

The Aftermath

I was shocked how different the reality was after the cut. Not only was reception not negative, I actually got some major compliments. Almost immediately afterward, I took a picture and put it on a Snapchat story. I was surprised by the positive comments I had gotten from a broad range of people.

The most difficult thing I’ve had to work with is keeping my head out of the sun! With camping this weekend for the holiday, I was trying to keep my bare head in the shade. Luckily, I played my cards right and came out unburnt.

I’m not sure how long I will keep it going. I might let it grow back out, but also may leave it cut for the summer. The lack of hair helps keep my head cool, which is a definite plus.

What Next?

I hope to come up with some other fear facing challenges I can do. I have one in mind, the coffee challenge. This is a cool challenge that gets you to ask for things you often wouldn’t in a zero-stakes situation.

Do you know of any interesting challenges I can try? Leave a comment below!

TOBBI – A Retrospective Part Four

The two most recent trials were both interesting in their own ways. The first was a plethora of morning routines in which every morning I tried to do a physical task, mental task, and accomplish a “first win.” The latter started as an attempt to try out freelancing but soon spiraled out into an entirely different exploration of what I actually want to be doing with my time.

Mornings Done Right

While I don’t maintain all of the aspects I used in the trial, I still make sure to journal every morning and read out of The Daily Stoic. From time to time, I’ll try and do a few exercises, but definitely, am not keeping up the consistency. It ties back to something I mentioned previously, it’s far more difficult to add than eliminate from a routine. Regardless of the specifics, trying out numerous activities helped me get into the swing of a routine I stick to more often than not.

The physical task was my favorite to try out different activities for. From Jump roping to push-ups to yoga I would wake up and just start doing something. My favorite was jumping jacks. They were easiest to get started as soon as I rolled out of bed.

The first win was definitely the most difficult part to hit each morning. I would often just pick a project I was working on and decide one quick thing I could do. Though it didn’t always need to be anything project related. Sometimes it was as simple as tidying up areas of my apartment or dropping off a library book. Anything to start the day off with a win. The goal was to be able to look back and know the day wasn’t wasted.

When Life Hands You Freelancing

Riding the high of a trial that really challenged me, I wanted to try another. Freelancing was supposed to be my next big personal challenge. I would force me to really tighten my schedule, learn many new skills, and learn a new trade. Unfortunately, my timing couldn’t have been worse. I started juggling old projects, new projects, this trial, and all that on top of an already busy day to day life. After only a week I was burnt out bad.

The experience forced me to address some difficult questions. I don’t know if it was coincidence or some sort of fate, but I started reading the book Essentialism. I found myself suffering from the “undisciplined pursuit of more.” I wanted to do everything 100% all at once. This wasn’t possible. Instead, I drove myself mad. Ever since, I’ve put nearly every side project on hold and am trying to apply a lot of what I learned in my day job.

Instead of trial updates, I wrote more concept pieces, which I really enjoyed. It was nice to change it up from talking about what I did that week, and more so explore a general idea. The subjects I was discussing were highly inspired by what impact I was feeling from the overwhelming projects. Saying no, prioritizing, and defining personal values were all lessons this trial forced me to learn.

What’s Next for TOBBI?

With that, we’re all caught up on the ten trials I’ve run so far. Some fun, others difficult. Some painful, others relaxing. I’ve learned a lot and I hope to keep writing for you.

The next trial involves facing a certain fear that I’ve had for a long time. Going bald.

TOBBI – A Retrospective Part Three

These next two trials were a bit of a change of pace. Instead of trying a new habit or routine, I tried some new skills and hobbies.

Podcast

This was one of my favorite projects to work on for some time. Working on a podcast gave me a lot more appreciation for the shows I listen to. A lot goes into a single episode and working on that side of the experience was a lot of fun.

The chance to sit down with some friends was a lot of fun. The idea to do this format came to me a while back, maybe a year ago at this point. I really liked the idea of an advice show where I just discuss the idea with a friend. It never came to the reality of having actual advice requests.

A couple months ago, I recorded a couple more episodes and hope to release them at some point out of appreciation for the guests I had. The recording process was fun, but all of the post work was just more than I was ready to handle. The recordings were shortly followed by too many simultaneous projects and I have yet to finish editing

Yoga

The first two trials of this year were back to back hits. As someone who needed a kick in the ass on flexibility and fitness, this was a perfect combination of the two.

It’s wild how many free resources there are out there. I was able to use YouTube for a majority of this trial. In particular, I came across this series. It was a nice introduction and made the start of this trial easy.

The free videos are nice, but nothing compares to an in-person class. It really was a totally different world. Having someone able to adjust a pose to do it right not only made it hurt a lot more, but made my practice better.

Since the end of the trial, I haven’t really committed a good yoga workout. I’ve done some basic poses here and there, mostly in the morning, but still nothing on the level of the trial.

Wrapping Up Next Time

Next time will bring this recap to a close. I’ll dive into my morning routines and the first trial that really went off the rails. Then, on to the next one!

TOBBI – A Retrospective Part Two

Vegetarian Diet Re-recap

I wanted to start with some additional thoughts regarding the vegetarian diet experience that came to mind over the past couple days.

Looking back, I think the trial format is what made it more difficult. Having a finish line made the day to day tougher. The idea that I could do whatever I wanted afterward made the actual journey insignificant. It was just something to get thru, instead of an experience to take in.

From time to time, I’ve found myself tempted to pursue a diet with little to no meat again. There really are a ton of reasons to eat less meat. When you allow it to just become a part of a lifestyle, it becomes a lot easier. I’m really inspired by conversations with my brother who is eating a no meat diet, though I’m not sure the specifics. As much as I enjoy the format of this blog, I fear it has a big downside. If I decide how I feel about something too soon, I may start looking to the finish line. This has really been a long way of saying, when giving something a try, don’t pursue it with the end in mind.

Cold Showers

To my surprise, I actually enjoyed this trial. Even considering the fact that it started after moving from Texas back to Iowa. I still remember one day of this trial pretty well. It was the day of my alma mater’s home cross country meet and it was rainy, muddy, and pretty damn cold. After running, I got home and the idea of a nice hot shower crept its way into my mind. So, I decided to do what I did every time I had to get in the cold water. I turned it on, stepped in for a few seconds, and then turned it off. That initial blast of cold was all I usually needed to stick it thru.

Earlier this year, I tried to get thru another week of this. Unfortunately, it was the middle of winter here, and I only made it about three days. That attempt really made me consider the impact social accountability has on me. I can usually get something started on my own, but it usually only takes three or four days for me to burn out and move on to the next thing. This impacts many aspects of my life from my habits to my health to my work. The impact of external accountability is pretty big for me. Knowing what keeps you driven is important to developing good habits and making the best decisions for you.

Reading

My favorite read by far was the biography of Ben Franklin. Perhaps because I spent the most time with it, but I really loved how much I could apply from the book. There are a lot of things applicable today that Ben Franklin did.

He was a big reason why I started journaling again. I was also inspired by Franklin’s Junto, a group of philosophers and thinkers, to try and meet some people outside of my normal social groups. These were just a few of the lessons learned that stick with me today. From his thirteen virtues to his other wild inventions, he lived an interesting life that was an incredible read.

The other books I read haven’t left as big a mark on my life. The Haunting of Hill House wasn’t as thrilling as I was expecting. Good Clean Fun was an enjoyable read, but I actually forgot about it completely until I recently saw Nick Offerman on an old magazine cover.

This trial was fun, but the biggest lesson I learned was that I go thru phases of media. Leading into this trial, I was reading quite a bit and wanted to keep going. After a few weeks, I was ready to move on to something else, either video games or TV, but I still had the responsibility to read. I still go thru these cycles.

The past couple months, I had been reading quite a bit, but recently, I’ve really been enjoying the interactivity and storytelling of games. In a matter of days, weeks, or months, I will start investing a ton of time into another form of media.

Giving Up

This was another trial that came to be a lot easier than expected. I wanted to experiment with adding a new aspect each week.

The biggest takeaway I learned was how much easier it is to remove things from your life than it is to add them. This was especially due to the reading challenge I faced just before. It’s not that reading was difficult, but making time every day was the tough part. Not doing something simply consists of not doing it.

This aspect can be applied to many things in life. For example, I heard a quote somewhere that removal of negative aspects of life has a bigger impact on happiness than additional positive ones. It’s generally easier to remove than it is to add. From possessions to people, it’s a lot easier to get rid of the bad than it is to add the good.

See You Next Time

Each trial I’ve done has taught me a lot both specifically to aspects of the task at hand as well as life in general. Next time, I’ll dive into the podcast I worked on and practicing yoga. Don’t miss out!

TOBBI – A Retrospective Part One

I’ve definitely learned a lot over the many trials I’ve done so far and wanted to look back and see how I’m still applying them.

Bike as Primary Transportation

To this day, I still ride my bike to work nearly every day. The only days I don’t are those which I’ll be driving somewhere immediately after, most often home to Chicago.

Thru the entire winter this year, which seemed to have finally ended a couple weeks ago. There were some definite days that were brutal, but looking back, those days are what make life exciting.

Something that definitely helped is my current living situation. I am in a spot that is not only convenient for work, but also for running errands on foot. I can get groceries in a 20 minute.

One thing I’ve found that helped me keep up this habit is to leave my car in an inconvenient place, currently a friend’s house a mile or so away. In order to drive somewhere, I need to go way out of my way, just to get in the driver’s seat. I probably wouldn’t even bother with owning a car if it wasn’t for the frequency of going to different places a few hours away.

Journaling

Another habit I maintain today, though I only recently started up again.

I try to start every day with at least a few thoughts that are on my mind to kick start my mind for the day. I tried having a structure at first, but found myself breaking away from it too often. I decided to just do away with a structured approach and just write what was in my head at that moment.

I’m not only getting my day started journaling, but also using the practice to wind down at night. In the past, I’ve found my mind running at 1000 miles per hour as soon as I close my eyes to sleep, but getting everything out of my head as an evening routine has helped put an end to that.

There I times when I use the pages available to do a full mind dump and get anything that’s been bugging me or questions that I’ve been pondering.

Vegetarian Diet

This one was tough to maintain for the few weeks I gave it a try, but I was able to do it.

For me, the biggest difficulty is completely eliminating options. I love trying new foods, and eliminating so many choices is just something I am not willing to do. I could definitely see myself following a no meat diet in a short timeframe, but as a long term life choice, it’s just not for me.

As with many of the other trials, this one taught me a lot about patience and forced me to approach life differently than I typically would. I tried a number of different recipes and dishes that I otherwise would not have.

My first three trials were a lot of fun. In each of them I learned and grew a lot. Tune in Next Time for a discussion of cold showers, reading, and sacrifices.