Trying Out Before Buying In

Another week down, and with it another trial. Intermittent fasting is something I’ve long meant to try and am glad I finally did. At first it felt as though I didn’t make as much progress as I wanted, but looking back, five pounds was my goal. Overall, I really enjoy the process.

Results

Over the past few weeks, there were a lot of variables thrown into this experiment, but in the end I’m really happy with where the pieces fell.

The easiest place to start is weight, an easy to measure metric. One of the initial drivers of fasting was an attempt to cut some pounds I’ve been carrying since the holidays. I was hovering a little over 170 lbs for a few months, but now am down to 165, as shown in the photo about. I’ll still fluctuate between 164 and 168 depending on a few factors like recent meals or time of day.

A place I’ve seen significant growth is my eating habits. I have a tough time keeping the habit of meal tracking, but fasting is much easier to maintain. Paying attention to when I’m eating, often impacts what I’m eating. Keeping a dedicated eating window keeps me from eating as much junk food. It’s rare to be craving a salad at 11 PM.

The area that I am most happy with are my energy levels and motivation. It’s hard to say what has shaped this, but over the past month, I’ve felt better about many things in my life. Even on days I don’t want to, I push myself to do a workout. If I can only squeeze in a five minute ab routine, it’s better than nothing.

The motivation doesn’t stop at fitness either. I’ve been writing more in my free time. Just this week, I streamed on Twitch for the first time in months. Even with a mediocre sleep schedule, I don’t have the same lethargy I woke up with for what felt like months. Just this morning I woke up at around 4:30 AM after going to bed around 10:30 PM and struggled to find sleep. Throughout the morning, I’ve felt surpringly ready to take on the day ahead.

Challenges

The benefits have been great, but there have certainly been a few struggles over the trial.

A few times, I found myself staring at my fast timer waiting for the second I could finally eat. This typically isn’t a problem if I can keep myself busy throughout the morning. A few times over the weekend though, I have a few hours to kill before I can eat with nothing planned.

This did reveal a eating habit that needed some work which is eating to address boredom. Now, even during my eating period, I’ll check in with myself if I’m eating with purpose or because I’m bored.

Another problem I faced was the conflict between social opportunities and fasting. While it only occurred a few times over the trial, I did have to decline some invitations from friends. Of course, these opportunities were reduced due to quarantining. Even still, having to decline popcorn while watching a movie with roommates is a bit of a bummer.

In the past, especially in my college days, I enjoyed a late night diner visit to spend time with friends and have a tasty bite. A fix I’ve found for addressing this is to shift the fast to allow the eating window to fit any social events. This, of course, works only in cases of planned events, but also butts heads with my previous challenge. An alternate solution would simply be to join but not eat.

Even still, I think these problems are just par for the course. The latter of which is probably for the better. If health goals are the priority, then social opportunities are second to them.

What’s Next?

Intermittent fasting seems destined to join the few trials I plan to maintain in the long run.

For my next trial, I’m tackling an element I haven’t trialed in some time, finance. As a challenge, I am looking to match the money I save to whatever I spend, excluding rent and utilities. I recently paid off my student loan, and with that I have a much larger disposable income. Before I let myself get too carried away, I want to reign in possible lifestyle creep. By effectively doubling the price of every purchase, I don’t think that will be too hard.

The scale may look worse than last week, but I do still feel well overall. My diet has been pretty good, and I’ve even started working out again. This played a part in a decision I was considering last week, extended fasting.

Progress, Or Lack Thereof

I’m a bit disappointed by the results of the scale this week. I’ve been sticking to my fasts, save one day, and have kept within my calorie limits.

The day I missed my fast was a mistake on my end. Friday night, I decided to enjoy a beer celebrating the week coming to a close. This ended my fast about an hour later than usual. The next day, I remembered that I needed to eat a bit later but planned poorly. I started eating breakfast and opened the Zero app only to see 30 minutes were left.

Considering it was the first time I missed a full fast in over a month, I chop it up to the inevitable mistake. Now, I don’t need to stress about messing up the first time!

Though it may be difficult to measure, I feel the major progress made this week has been aesthetics. I feel my abs are starting to make an appearance. Overall, I see myself as starting to tone more.

Eating for Purpose

In response to my last post, my sister asked me why I usually eat. For energy, pleasure, or just habit? I’ve been thinking about this question since then. I thought I responded with my initial thought, pleasure, but it appears I left her hanging! I hold on to a belief that of the seven deadly sins, gluttony describes me best by far.

Something intermittent fasting has pushed me to do is to keep a hold on that impulse. Lately, I feel I’ve been eating more out of a need than a want.

This week, I started going through the food that’s long been sitting in my pantry. Often, I have no taste for something, but once I make a meal of it, I’m ready to eat. It’s forcing me to be more creative in the kitchen, something I’ve swayed away from recently. Throwing together a variety of foods into some form of comprehensive meal has been fun.

Extended Fasting On Hold

Last week, I considered trying an extended fast over the course of an entire day. The day I had initially planned to do so, I woke up painfully hungry, and already thought the regular fasting schedule I was on would be tough. After that, I considered a couple days later, even today. However, I also started exercising more this week and don’t think the two go together well.

For the final week of the trial, I’m focused on sticking to my schedule and riding the rest out.

This week started a bit rougher than the last, but after a couple of days, things settled back in. Some mornings started to become a bit of a struggle until I hit the end of my fast. First, I want to discuss the app I’ve been using to keep track of fasts.

There’s an App for That

If you can think of it, there’s probably a mobile app, website, or similar tool out there, if not several. I heard about the app Zero on a podcast with one of its creators. There are a few options for fasts, as well as the ability to make custom fasts. Upon hitting a button, the fast starts and ends. There’s a timer that counts down during the fast, letting you know how much time is remaining.

I enjoy having the app because I only need to remember to do two things, push stop and push start fast. The former I rarely have to worry about, as I remember to do it with my first bite during breakfast. I do frequently forget to start my fast, but I set up a reminder message shortly after I typically finish dinner. If I completely fall off track, I can always fall back on the window of 11:30 AM to 7:30 PM with only little variation day to day.

The real benefit I find in using the app is having an external system tell me when I can eat. I find myself craving a boredom snack far too often. I’ll open a cabinet when simply walking near the kitchen for any reason. During my fast, I know to move along and ignore my craving, and snack guilt free off the fast.

Begging for Breakfast

Having my breakfast start much later in the morning has gotten more difficult in the past few days. Admittedly, I think an unengaging project at work has something to do with this. I tend to forget my hunger when focused on a task or project, but when droning along, my mornings have become a bigger struggle. It’s far from the only factor, but the effect is still there.

I’ve managed to stay consistent though, and have completed the full 16 hour fast each day, if not longer. Sticking to the 11:30 to 7:30 window makes remembering easy, but having the app makes compliance easy.

My energy levels haven’t been as consistent as last week, but my poor sleep schedule certainly had an impact. Waking up actually hasn’t been too bad, even after a late night, but getting up and moving has taken longer. I’ve found myself laying in bed waiting to get up for up to 30 minutes on a given morning. I hope returning to a stricter schedule will help.

I’ve seen some progress in weight loss as the scale above shows, and I hope to keep seeing consistent progress. If I can get under 160 over the next two weeks, I’d be quite happy!

During this trial, I’d like to try out is an extended fast up to something like 40 hours. Doing so by skipping eating for a day. I want to look into pros and cons beforehand, but I think this trial is a better time than any.

Intermittent fasting is a diet system I’ve known about for some time, but failed to follow after a few tries. Making this an official trial, I’ve finally made some consistent progress, though I actually started about a week and a half early. First, let’s go over what intermittent fasting actually is.

Breaking Fast

When we eat the first meal of the day, we’re breaking our body’s current state of fasting, hence the name “breakfast.” While the biology and science is certainly over my head, the gist is that the fasting state has many benefits.

By setting intended fasting and eating periods during the day, the body can stay in fasting mode as long as desired. The fasting window varies, but I’m currently trying a sixteen hour fast with an eight hour eating window. I actually started with a fourteen/ten split, but worked my way up an hour each week. Doing this helped me get an idea for my schedule over time. I’ve been shooting for an eating window between 11:30 AM and 7:30 PM.

The fasting window can vary either longer or shorter depending on needs. Some people even follow a one meal per day plan to maximize the fast.

Benefits So Far

The reason I started fasting was primarily in hopes to lose some weight. I’m about 10-15 pounds heavier than I want to be, and I know my eating habits could certainly be improved. I’ve accompanied intermittent fasting with meal tracking in an attempt to maximize success.

I’ve had some back and forth with my success in weight loss, but I believe this was mostly due to bad food choices over the fasting process. I was down about 3.5, but back up to where I started after a roommate’s birthday led to few to many pieces of cake.

Some unexpected benefits have been better energy levels and mood. I can’t say for certain the level of impact fasting has had on my energy as of late, but lately I’ve been feeling good while actually waking up earlier than I had in the past. For a few weeks, I was feeling pretty lethargic through most of the day, but lately I’ve felt much better for longer.

In terms of mood, I’ve been feeling a lot more calm and happy, even given everything going on lately. I typically lean pretty positive, but before starting fasting I was starting to get frustrated and stressed with work. There are certainly a combination of factors that are leading to feeling better, but I like to think this has had an impact.

Expectations

While I don’t think I’ll lose every pound I want, I hope to lose at least five pounds by the end of the trial. Pairing this with watching my diet should present the results I’m looking for.

One thing I didn’t plan on until starting was to layout a better daily schedule to accommodate meals. I’m still struggling to get out of bed as early as I want, but my sleep schedule is getting more consistent. My hope is to wake up consistently at or before 6:30 AM. It’s a big step away from rolling out of bed with five minutes until work.

Going in to this trial I had visions of picking up a few new skills, most of which wouldn’t really be useful. In reality, this last month went by in a blur and I barely worked on two things. While I did consider a few things throughout, it wasn’t quite the result I expected.

Tuning Trials

With this trial coming to a close, I am not entirely happy with the results. I can at least look back and apply lessons learned to the future. One of the core problems I see with this trial is setting the rules too loose. “Learning new skills” was far too broad to have solid compliance.

I find I have the best time and adhere best when I need to follow a simple straightforward guidelines. Having a specific rule to follow removes any thinking about what I need to do.

Something else to consider is how it’s easier to remove something to life than to add it in. Making the time to learn these skills just wasn’t on my priority list, even as a trial. Not to say I’ll never try anything that requires adding to my life, some of my favorite trials fall here, but I need to consider the timing of doing so.

A Life of Learning

Though this trial was not necessarily a success, throughout my life, I’ve been fascinated with learning. Even beyond schooling, I’ve continued learning in a variety of areas. I am energized diving into a subject and gaining a deeper understanding be it philosophy, cooking, music, physics, or really anything else that sparks my interest.

In recent years, I’ve really enjoyed learning from reading. I like to find lessons learned in all kinds of books, including fiction. A goal of mine this year is to read 40 books, including 12 specific ones from a variety of genres. After finishing a book, I write a few things I learned from it. That way, I not only tend to remember better, but I have a place to look back and review those lessons.

Even without a specific goal, I find learning in a variety of ways. By observing and making note of my actions, I can work on improving a skill, process, or routine.

What’s Next

Since late last year, I’ve been carrying around some holiday weight that I am hoping to drop. I’ve long heard the benefits of intermittent fasting, and even tried to start a few times. My problem was I’d always slip up over time.

Perhaps I cheated a bit, and actually started this early last week, but didn’t want to avoid starting while also finishing out the trial above. Pairing fasting with watching my calorie intake is bound to lead to some positive results.

This is one of those posts where I feel like it’s the day after my last one and I got nothing done. Last week, I thought about trying to work on an additional skill, but I hardly even practice what I started. My biggest weakness as of late has been making time for the things I say I want, so I created a solution for that.

Fast Times in Quarantine

The last few weeks as a whole have been moving by really quick. I don’t know how much that has to do with the current COVID-19 quarantining, as my day to day life really hasn’t been impacted too much. I work from home and have few social obligations. Though, it’s definitely created an odd atmosphere to live in.

I think the biggest reason for this blur of time is the lack of clear milestones in a given period. Most, if not all, events are cancelled, and travel is limited, if not completely restricted. Each day that passes feels identical to the last, even on weekends. With nothing going on, time slips away quickly.

A Little Progress

On the bright side, I’ve found short windows here and there to practice. Whether I’m on the phone or going for a walk, I can take a few moments during another activity to practice. The card spring is especially easy to practice while occupied, as I have the deck near my desk. I can pick up the cards and just start shuffling them.

While not one of my stated skills, I’ve tried to keep up my yoga practice during this quarantine. Before the COVID-19 situation escalated, I actually found myself in a one-on-one class, due to the other students skipping. It was a great way to learn and ask questions. I really enjoyed the time for the class in particular, as each week is the same routine.

After the quarantine started, I fell off the habit, with the studio I go to closed. This week, I turned to the many online resources to get my fix. Watching some videos, the instruction helped me with a few poses that I didn’t even realize weren’t quite right. The online videos are certainly not to the caliber of my one-on-one, but a different way of explaining a pose has helped me to find it better.

Focus on the Future

Rather than regret the lack of progress in the days past, I’m shifting my focus forward. Recently, in an attempt to get a hold of my time, I’ve been trying to plan my entire day. It’s something I think I will officially trial soon and plan to write about even without a actual trial in place. Essentially, I’m creating a calendar for the day and plan to shift from one activity to the next in that time.

I started this practice because I wasn’t making the time for the things I want to. When I reflected on the days past, I couldn’t remember what I did in that time. In all likelihood, I probably laid around and watched online videos. Not bad one their own, but when I feel I’m not accomplishing anything, that’s where the problem lies.

Looking at my calendars so far, I have literally not made a single minute on any day for learning skills. What that makes clear to me is that this hasn’t been a priority. Because it’s my current trial, I’ve updated my calendars for the coming days to include that time. Admittedly, if it wasn’t for this trial, I’d likely push my focus on the projects that I’ve set time for.

Learning is an important part of my life. From formal education to leisure reading to online courses, I love filling my brain with new information. One element of learning that has long interested me has been the idea of theory versus application. With learning being the subject of this trial, there’s no better time to discuss. First, an update on progress.

State of Learning

Since last week, I didn’t make the time for learning I was hoping to. An opportunity to work additional hours for overtime pay came up over the weekend. With the current uncertainty of financial institutions, jobs, etc., I figured it was a good chance to make a little extra cash should I need it.

The little progress I did make was in the card spring. I found a better way to hold the cards to have better control. I can get some consistent shuffles from one hand to the other, but only at a short distance. If I pull my hand more than six inches away from the other, I don’t have the control to keep the cards headed in the same direction, and they scatter to far apart. On the plus side, I can get through the whole deck.

I’m thinking of picking another skill to work on, with a periodic touch up on the card spring. If you have any suggestions, let me know in the comments below.

On Theory

When it comes to learning, I enjoy diving head first into a subject and consuming as much as I can. For a long time, I’ve found myself mostly delving into analysis and theory. I was more interested in the ideas of a subject, rather than the specific skills used within a discipline.

Back in college, I loved long lecture courses that consisted of a professor speaking and writing notes on a board. Jotting down the ideas and taking them in was exciting.

Much of my time spent online is watching video essays and analysis on a variety of subjects, but more often than not it’s media. The media in question comes in the forms of books, movies, and games. From narrative, design, or even media specific elements. A video may discuss the editing of a particular film in how it helps or hurts the final product. While not explicitly teaching the techniques required to edit, the focus is on the overall art.

Applying It

While theory can develop ideas, application is what ultimately gets things done.

I define application as the base skills that are used in the creation, maintenance, or interaction. For example, human behavior would be theory, but negotiation would be application.

The critical element of learning application skills is they require practice. While theory has a lot of information, it’s primarily analysis and thinking. Application however, is generally specific tasks. Knowing how to perform the task or tasks requires both an understanding and practice.

In the past year, I’ve made efforts to take more of this approach to learning. Rather than simply learn about an idea, finding a way to do something with that knowledge became the goal. I began learning a lot about game development. As part of two challenges, I made games for each. While both are basic in their design, I learned a lot about the development process.

Why Not Both

There can be discussion as to which is more important, but in the end I think both have their own roles. I recently watched a debate about political theory versus policy. One debater harked that theory was useless and only realistic passable policy mattered. The other agreed that policy was important, but defended that theory leads to development in overall political understanding.

I think the same applies to many, if not all, areas of learning. It’s important to understand the specific skills in a certain field, especially if it’s a job, as most of a day will be spent using said skills. A deeper understanding of theory or fundamentals can provide a foundation for those skills, as well a better path for growth, both individually and in the field as a whole.

My usual trials consist of trying a particular hobby or habit, but so far this year, I’ve been giving myself a lot of freedom with only a broad theme. For this trial, I’m trying to learn new skills of any and all kind. Little did I know, I’d end up in a phase of burnout while the world started to become a little crazy. Even still, I’m working to learn what I can, while not forcing this trial to derail me from other more important projects.

Making a List

Getting started, I made a list of a handful of things I’d like to learn. This list was formed from anything that came to mind. My intention in this trial was to kick back and have fun, so I figured I’d just let loose.

The types of skills I’ve written down are broad and cover all types of activities. There are mental skills, dexterous tricks, and even expertise in specific areas or tasks.

While having a breadth of options to choose from seemed to be the strategy for picking up new things, the lack of focus was detrimental to doing so.

Focus, Focus, Focus

To find some focus, I started with the one thing on the list that I could start with little research or materials. I found what I thought was perfect and surprisingly relevant to the task. The Kuji In are a series of nine hand gestures used as a meditation practice. Where I first learned of these was this video discussing the inspiration used of the hand symbols in Naruto. Extremely nerdy I know. I was nice being able to just find a video showing the signs and then practicing them. It was a good exercise to just start something.

With one win under my belt, I turned to a different YouTube channel, with the focus all on learning new skills. Looking through Mike Boyd’s videos, I found a few that might be fun.

I’ve started learning the card spring, shuffling playing cards from one hand to another. It’s a fun trick that has been a good challenge so far. My favorite part is the little moments of progress. Going from scattering the cards all over the floor to shooting a few cards into my hand, to only THEN having the rest fall on the floor has been inspiring.

In all seriousness, breaking apart the skill has been a fun way to learn. There’s a lot more hand dexterity and strength required than I first thought. I’ve actually felt muscle fatigue in my hands after a few minutes of attempts.

Practice Makes Perfect

In order to develop these areas I’m lacking, I’ve been using a small portion of the deck rather than the whole thing. Rather than suffer the aforementioned scattering of cards over and over, I can usually get a small spring with ten or so cards. My hands are getting a slight workout from the quality reps, and I’m getting a feel for controlling the flow of cards. Letting them slide out one at a time is the goal, allowing the

The thing I really like about this skill, is I can practice while relaxing. After a pretty long day, I found myself binging Twitch stream. I decided I should do something productive. Luckily, it’s easy to watch TV and shuffle cards at the same time.

With one week down, I’m trying not to take this too seriously. I have a few other things I’m trying to work on and want to keep this trial relatively light-hearted. Still continuing to practice and learn when and where I’m able will be key!

After four weeks of using the counseling service Better Help, I’m happy with the developments so far. Therapy has given me a place to open up more, be honest, and get ideas out of my own head. While I’m not sure how long I will continue, for now I plan to do so for at least a few months. It’s certainly not a solution for every problem, but it helped me in areas I needed help in.

The Good, The Bad, and The Forgettable

Therapy is a trial I’ve been meaning to do for some time, but I always had an excuse not to do it. I actually almost switched at the last moment, but the day before starting I had a meltdown emotionally. Shortly after I realized, I really needed to talk to someone.

At first, I expected my problems to be a hydra. Work on one problem, and two more spawn in its place. In the first session, I discussed a singular issue I’d been struggling with at the time, but while talking new ones whispered in the back of my mind. Staying focused, I kept on the first topic. After a couple of days, most of the other issues worked themselves out or tended to not be real problems in the first place.

One thing I was surprised in my experience was that I was able to share a surprising amount of good stuff with my therapist. I expected it to be week after week of sharing my challenges, and her guiding me out of it. Instead, I had a few rough days where talking with her helped me out of a negative headspace, but a lot of good days where I was sharing great things from my day.

Not a Panacea

Talking out a problem can be the first step in dealing with it, but often it is far from the last. While working with a therapist can offer next steps, I am the one who needs to take them. Everything I’ve discussed so far in therapy has had a follow up action required. Some small like changing a mindset, others larger like developing better habits.

At the end of the day, there are some problems that will require good old fashioned work. I’ve been trying to write more outside of this blog, but have been struggling to make the time. In my last session, I asked about any advice for making this new desire a true priority. There wasn’t much my therapist could offer at the time. She did share some methods to help after some further research. What ultimately needs to happen is that I need to put in the work.

Setting Sights Ahead

In conclusion, I’ve enjoyed my few sessions so far using the online therapy service Better Help. It’s a bit more expensive than I’d like to be paying, but from the little looking I did it’s cheaper than an in person alternative. I believe it’s possible to qualify for financial assistance if needed, a plus for people who really need the help but can’t afford it.

In the long run, I am not sure I’ll continue beyond a few months. Admittedly, it’s easy to dismiss the benefits of therapy when things have been going well lately. If challenges arise in the near future, I may remember how truly helpful the early experience was. I look forward to continuing this new part of my life, and hope to share updates in the future.

For the next trial, I’m going to be switching things up a bit. After an introspective, emotional trial, I wanted to take things to a more lighthearted direction. For the next four weeks, I’ll be trying to learn as many skills, big and small, as I can.

An expression I’ve heard time and time again is that we wear different masks among different crowds, figuratively for the most part. I certainly can’t know what other’s experience is, but I find myself switching “masks” frequently. Therapy has been a nice place where I’m finding out what is really behind the mask.

Mask or Truth

For many years, a favorite game of mine has been The Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask. To oversimplify, in it, you play as a young hero whose adventure has his donning many masks. Different masks offer different interactions with the land’s many residents. I’ve always enjoyed not only the mechanic of the masks, but the symbolism as well.

In my own life, I often reflect, finding myself acting in so many different ways. One could call this acting my masks. To hopefully not come across as too cliché, I sometimes find it difficult to pin down what my genuine self is.

Different groups or individuals seem to bring out different characteristics in me. Some for better, and some for worse. I don’t know if it’s the others that bring out these characteristics, or if I act in such a way that’s expected. Don the mask.

Our masks can help us in various places. The difference in our attitudes and behavior on karaoke night and at a job is probably for the best. Despite what sitcoms and silicon valley may inspire. While they are helpful, it’s also important to find time to shed these masks, or else we might mistake who we are for them. Changing from one mask to another, never finding a moment to really be ourselves.

Unmasking

While my therapist is certainly getting to know me more as time goes on, there’s still a barrier that separates us. This doesn’t only come in the form of the online service, but also that our relationship is limited.

In the sessions so far, I’ve tried to remove any ego when it comes to what I share. Having a place to truly open up is helping me to find that true self once again.