I recently heard someone say, “college is more about figuring out what you don’t want to do.” That’s pretty true. There were a number of courses I was interested in but didn’t end up taking, and on the flipside there were other courses I knew I had zero interest in. I find I’ve been hovering in that space, figuring out what I don’t want to do.
Era of Opportunity
The opportunities in my life really have shown me that I have the possibility to attempt just about anything. Having that degree of freedom seems great, but I often feel it leads me down a path of uncertainty. I often explore ideas ankle deep until something new finds its way into my feed.
I might catch a concept in a podcast, book, YouTube video, or talking with friends. New and interesting hobbies, habits, routines, and practices all seem interesting, quickly grabbing my attention. It’s extremely easy to get started in nearly anything. With a steady internet connection, you can receive top tier training in just about every field imaginable.
One of the goals of this blog is to help me explore these options and figure out what works and doesn’t work for me. For one, I found I really like game development. It’s a fun and challenging process that makes me appreciate a hobby I’ve held for most of my life. Understanding all the pieces that go into making a game work fascinates me. From something as simple as a character moving across the screen to complex concepts like online-play. Nevertheless those that do extraordinary things.
Not every new interest has such a payoff. Attempting to write the 50,000 word novel for NaNoWriMo, revealed to me how much I really don’t like long-form writing. I can’t put my finger on anything in particular, but the process just feels off to me. Though writing in itself isn’t something I dislike, these posts, for example, are often a great way for me to express what’s in my mind.
However, fiction writing isn’t something I’m entirely put off by. Early in the year, I wrote a number of short stories, probably 500 words or less, that I thought were fun. With the time dilation of this year, I even forgot a screenplay for a short film I started for an idea that came to me during a flight. I found it much easier to focus on the characters, which I find to be the more interesting part of writing. I think that’s why I’m also very drawn to role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons, another past time I do a lot of “writing” for.
A Double Edged Sword
While I’ve been able to try many different projects and hobbies, I find I have one remaining problem. I often fail to allow myself to truly immerse myself in a given task for more than a few weeks. The ability to shift gears in order to try out something else I’ve discovered, just in case I like it, has led to a significant number of half abandoned projects.
I fear my consistency in leaving behind so many projects has developed an inability to see things through. That’s what led me in my pursuit of a tool like BeeMinder to provide an incentive to challenge that habit.
At the same time, I find being willing to put down projects when I find little benefit to be very helpful. The relief of stepping away from the NaNoWriMo 50,000 word commitment felt like I took off a weighted vest. I’ve been in a considerably better mood now that I’m not stressing about trying to force myself to do something I wasn’t enjoying.
A question I’ve learned to ask myself throughout my many projects is this: Do I enjoy the process of this or just the idea of having done it? With the novel for example, I learned in trying to write that I like the idea of saying “I’ve written a novel.” The actual writing of a novel doesn’t really interest me in the slightest, though I’ve had actual visions of myself alone in a hotel room or cabin writing away my magnum opus.
Through this process, I think I have figured out what I do like about writing fiction. I like coming up with interesting scenarios that characters are in and how they react, not necessarily a complex plot that moves through different acts. The screenplay, for example, was me thinking about the feeling of being confined on an airplane which led to the idea of strangers being stuck in an elevator. I created the characters and had them interact. I don’t really know what the “plot” is, but the story simply becomes the actions of the characters.
I think that’s why I like roleplaying and video games, because the player is the primary plot device; it’s their actions that create the plot. Sometimes, it’s one that the player simply passes through without much control, but other times, the player has the freedom to create a story unique to themselves. This is especially true in completely open table top games like D&D, where there’s no programming limitations to keep track of what a player can do.
This blog on the other hand is something I enjoy doing, even in some sense on the weeks I dread writing.
Stopping the Start
Throughout this blog, I’ve tried a number of new things, some of which have stuck, and others not so much. I plan to continue experimenting with a few things, but I want to move away from the “projects” that I’ve been pursuing. For example, podcasting, YouTube videos, and so forth.
While experimenting with my daily life, I want to start building on the hobbies and projects I’ve found interest in. Game development is a big one that I have really enjoyed, but am intimidated to try and take seriously. It’s an industry I’ve been interested in for nearly my entire life, and it’s allowed me to find a lot of great stories and experiences. I have a number of ideas I want to expand on, but all of them have at least a small link to games. Perhaps, I’ll be able to leverage what I’ve found to enjoy through the past few years of experimentation and focus on those parts of the process.
I see the future of this blog to be focused on habits, and perhaps just some general posts on life, personal philosophies, and things I’ve learned. With that in mind, I plan on taking December off to wind down for the holidays, and begin planning that future. I hope you are able to enjoy the upcoming holidays safely, and I’ll see you in the new year.
Trying Out Before Buying In 