With plenty of self reflection over the past week, I came to the realization of how afraid I am to make an honest effort in making many ideas into a reality. Recent reading has facilitated this reflection, but a TV series has also got me thinking about the creative process.
The Hidden Critic
The safe option is to keep an idea in my head. That perfect vision not yet ruined by translating it to reality. The flow of a story. The feel of a game. The sound of a song. It’s all so clever and just right, until I start to put it on paper, code, or instrument.
It begins to feel off. “Hmm that’s not quite it. Maybe I’m just not good enough to make this. Maybe I’m not good enough to make anything.” The spiral begins.
Luckily, I’ve been writing publicly long enough to realize no one really gives a shit if something sucks. If anything, putting my work out there has given me a vision of the progress I’ve made over time. Even still, it takes a lot out of me to fight through the negativity.
Last week, I included a picture of the book *The Artist’s Way* by Julia Cameron. I haven’t made the time to read as much as I would have liked to in the past week, but the early chapters are pretty much about starting and not worrying about the inner critic.
I never thought of the fear I had as a critic, as I try to be pretty positive with myself. Thinking about it more this week, it really has held me back a lot. Even on some things that I’ve finished and am proud of, this critic will whisper to me at times.
Previously, I mentioned the games I made during a couple jams last year. I put in a lot of work into them, but part of me still downplays the effort saying with qualifiers like, “it’s okay for something made in a weekend.” There is a point where humility becomes a weight that feels like it’s holding me back.
Simple Inspiration
It’s a bit silly how much this ridiculous show has really inspired me since I started watching it. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken is a currently airing anime about a group of high schoolers making anime. It’s a pretty simple premise, but the execution has struck me. I shared this show in my monthly newsletter, but it felt so relevant I wanted to share it here as well.
In catching up on a couple of episodes this past weekend, I felt like the show was talking to me. In the process of trying to make a closing deadline, they begin using some shortcuts and techniques to speed up the process, betraying their artistic integrity, much to the dismay of the two creators.
One of the girls, who is acting as the director, begins to step away from the project, justifying it with thoughts like, “well if it can’t be what I want it to be, then why make it?”
The producer, the one calling for the expediting, snaps her back into reality asking something to the effect of, “Isn’t it better to have made something at all?”
This, of course, got my motivation engine churning on full power, something that is starting to level out. Though, motivation is something I’m trying to rely on less, hence building this create every day habit.
It’s easy to work when motivated, but little progress every day is far better than sprints that last mere moments. When it comes to creation, as the old adage goes, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Trying Out Before Buying In 