Spotting Bad Habits

I definitely filled this out right. Those are supposed to be blank.

This past week I’ve started turning off my computer and phone by 10 PM. The goal was to cut back on a bad habit I’ve had of gaming or watching videos too late into the night. Everything started off how I imagined it, read a little and then got to bed a little earlier. After a couple days though, I started trying out some different past times, and that’s when things took a turn for the (relative) worse.

Through this I realized, screens weren’t the problem. I have an underlying habit to procrastinate bedtime.

The Start

The first few days started out pretty well. I started reading Dune, which has been on my nightstand for too long. Tackling a chapter or two a night, barely scratching the surface of the dense book.

Time was made to step away from whatever mindless activity I would usually partake in prior to starting this trial, for better or worse. This most often came in the form of the YouTube rabbit hole. I would end up watching an hour or two of content just before bed. This habit peaked just before this trial. I stayed up well past 1 AM a couple of nights, which actually inspired me to start.

All in all, I’m glad I started this out.

The Turn

Now, this isn’t necessarily bad, but I fear it’s the remnants of other habits just filling the void. Instead of staring a screen til midnight or later, I’ve now begun working on crosswords and sudoku puzzles.

One night, I was flipping thru a local paper while a bit bored and found the puzzles. I started filling it out and eventually ran out of words I knew. So I would cheat and look at the solution for a word or two to try and keep moving. After finishing, I moved onto the sudoku.

After wrapping up for the night, my brain was wired trying to solve all the worlds problems as I lay in bed trying to sleep. I was exchanging one distraction for another. Though I think there is a silver lining.

What’s Next

Going forward I’m going to try and force myself to go to bed at that 10 PM stop, and set my alarm to wake up earlier in the morning. I’m hoping that I can use those puzzles that kept me up at night to kickstart my brain in the morning.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

Know Failure to Know Success

The past few weeks I’ve done a lot of thinking about facing fear and failure. I tried out a couple of fear setting practices and shared my thoughts here.

Since each specific post goes into far more detail, I’m just going to give a brief synopsis for each. I’ll share links to each prior post for quick access.

Facing Personal Fear – Going Bald

A longtime fear I’ve had is the fear of going bald. While it may not seem to be significant, it’s something that has bothered me. After a brief moment of hesitation, I decided it was time to see what all the fuss was about.

I buzzed my hair down until I can see the light reflecting from the top of head. I soon set out a picture, and was surprised by the positive feedback I had gotten. Not only was the fear I had internalized not real, it turned out to be the opposite.

Facing Social Fear – Coffee Challenge

Once I had dealt with some of the personal fears I had kept for so long, I wanted to try a different angle. This challenge is simple, ask for 10% off of an order of coffee. Being a long follower of Noah Kagan, a successful entreprenuer, I’ve long known about this challenge.

The challenge forced me to ask for something I wanted in a low risk setting. We often want things, but can be too scared to ask.

Facing Fear of Failure -Fear Setting

This was another practice I learned from a great writer and business leader. Tim Ferriss regularly does this exercise when making big decisions.

This can be summarized in three easy steps. Defining fear. Preventing fear. Repairing fear. It can often be be found that what we imagine is far worse than what reality will offer. Since this practice also forces us to figure out how we can reduce the impact of whatever the fears may be, we have everything in our arsenal to remove any reason not to do pursue our goals.

All of these are simple practices that can be done to build up a tolerance for facing fears and overcoming challenges.

For the next few weeks, I’ll be loosening the shackles of technology. I’ll be implementing a no screens after 10 PM rule. To help with this, I’m going to try a recent tip I’ve heard, setting my phone to airplane mode earlier in the night.

On a side note, this post marks 52 weeks of TOBBI. Thank you for reading and helping me reach this milestone!

Fear Setting and Why It Matters

Three simple columns are all that stands between you and conquering fear.

A great exercise that ties into my recent posts is a regular practice by the investor, author, and inspiration of mine Tim Ferriss, which he calls Fear Setting. The idea is simple. When pursuing something new, clearly define what your fears truly are, know how to prevent the fears, and how to repair any damage. Maybe you’ll have to move back in with parents, you’ll lose all your money and starve on the street, or maybe you’ll enjoy your new choice so much, you never go back.

Step One: Define Your Fears

To start on this journey, you first have to discover why you are afraid of pursuing whatever your action/goal/idea maybe. To use a recent example, I shaved my head.

Before getting out the clippers, I asked myself, “What is the absolute worst case scenario?”

The answer was so mild, it shocked me that I ever hesitated. It boiled down to other people may not think I look very good. Not only did this not turn out to be the truth, I have often gotten the opposite reaction from people who have known me most of my life and others who I’ve met for the first time.

Step Two: Preventive Measures

If we know what the worst case scenario is, we can prepare and plan to avoid it. Taking simple actions can often have major returns.

There weren’t many specific actions to take to prevent other people’s opinions in the case of my bald head, but I could limit their impact on me. By owning the look, it not only deflected any negative impressions but actually increased the positive reception the new look got.

Precautionary actions are simple to implement and can have positive returns even if the fear never occurs. A piece of advice from my grandpa applies well here, “It’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

Step Three: How Do I Bounce Back From Disaster

The next step beyond prevention is repairing any damage done. Here we need to think of what can be done to get things back on track. Because certain outcomes may be more serious than other people’s opinions, see example earlier about starving in the street, sometimes we need a plan to get back to where we want to be.

In the case of my bald head, it’s really just a matter of time. Wait for it to grow back. What about some more active responses? Because I believe a majority of fears are based on either money or social status, there are a few options that can be taken. Getting a second job or selling some unneeded property can help remedy financial trouble.

For remedying social status, there are a number of ways to heal the wounds of a bad decision. Why else is Public Relations a critical part of businesses today? Let’s make some PR moves of our own if we find ourselves in hot water. There’s the incredibly difficult act of apologizing, in which one displays guilt and regret the results of actions taken (if not the actions alone). Volunteering can be another option. Though I recommend pursuing something you’ve previously displayed interest in as a good place to start. If you start volunteering for something totally random, some people may see this as pandering. If you start with something you already care about, people may think your simply expressing your passion in a particular way.

Step Four: The Good Part

This part isn’t in Tim’s specific fear setting process, but I think it is important. Now that you’ve come up with your fear and how to handle it, ask yourself, what can I gain from trying this out. What are the rewards you receive for risking your nightmare scenario defined previously?

With the negative fleshed out, you may as well understand what you truly have to gain from it. Be as general or as specific as you want. Peace of mind is as valid as earning an additional $1,000 a year in my book.

Tim recommends assigning an impact score to both the negative and positive outcomes. If a negative outcome is a two, but the positive is a 10, there should be no doubt in your mind to go for it.

Just the Beginning

Tim’s post is a fantastic read and if anything I recommend the “Questions and Actions” section. While the first three steps above outline the specific process, this section offers some powerful questions to consider.

Set your fears today and let me know what you come up with in the comments below!

Coffee Challenge – How to Ask for What You Want

It’s very easy to keep putting off things we don’t want to do. Hell, it’s easy to put off things we WANT to do. In my case, Noah Kagan’s coffee challenge found itself in a weird spot between the two. The idea is to ask for 10% off when ordering coffee. I finally bit the bullet and committed to trying it.

The Scene

Last Friday was the last day I could easily do the challenge, and so it had to be then. I was living in downtown Dubuque, which gave me several local shops to stop by and try. Since I was moving that day, I kept putting the challenge off by packing up one thing or another. The whole time playing out what I would say in my head. I finally started packing some clothes and told myself this was the last thing, as soon as I was done here I need to go. So I did.

I made my way down the block to a nearby shop. I walked in and saw a few people near the register. My heart began pounding. One would think I was about to do something illegal. Luckily, most of the other patrons moved elsewhere by the time I was ordering. I went with a simple house coffee. After putting my cup together, the barista, whom I believe might be the owner, asked me if I needed anything else. That was my cue. I asked, “can I actually get 10% off?”

Of course, he was a bit confused. So I asked again with a smidge more confidence. He laughed and gave a polite no. He added a joke that normally they charge an extra 10% if someone asks. I laughed, thanked him, and found a seat to write this up.

The Point

Saving 10% on every cup of coffee would be great, but that’s not the point of the exercise. It’s safe to say most people will not ask for things that they really want. Whether it be a raise, a date, or for their roommate to do the dishes. More often than not, we suspect simple asks to end horribly. This challenge gives you a zero-stakes environment to practice. If I can’t ask for something so minuscule, how can I ask for anything of substance?

On top of the fear facing opportunity, you get practice hearing “no” as well as a chance to practice negotiation skills. Anytime you are doing something out of the realm of normality, you will hear a lot of nos. Starting a business? Writing a book? Anything that needs funding, approval, or input from others will likely result in a lot of people saying no.

Though I may not have tried to push for the 10%, anyone else trying this can work on negotiating. Similarly that people don’t often ask for what they want, at the first sign of a no we back down. Sharpening the negotiating skill is critical to success in so many areas of life.

Next Time

Not sure what I want to try. Let me know if you have ideas for fear challenges like this!